Have you heard of the term ‘Emotional Regulation’ before? Probably. Emotional regulation—it’s one of those terms everyone seems to toss around these days. You’ll hear it on Instagram reels, self-help blogs, therapy sessions, workplace workshops, and your favourite podcast. It’s painted as a magical skill that can fix everything, from mood swings to heated arguments. But let’s be honest, how many people can confidently say they know what emotional regulation entails? And more importantly, how many of us truly understand how to put it into practice?
It’s the trendy, go-to term for navigating life’s emotional rollercoaster. But let’s take a moment to unpack it.
The main idea is that emotional regulation is the ability to manage your emotions in a way that helps rather than hinders you. It’s not about suppressing feelings or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it’s about recognising what you feel, understanding the ‘why’, and choosing a thoughtful response. But like riding a bike, it’s a skill that takes practice, patience, and a few scrapes along the way.
Here are five cognitive-behavioural techniques (one type of therapy) for regulating emotions
1. Name It to Tame It
Imagine you’ve just fought with your partner. Your chest feels tight, your thoughts are spiralling, and you’re ready to explode. The first step? Pause and name the emotion. Are you angry? Hurt? Disappointed? Research shows that labelling emotions can decrease their intensity.
Acknowledging your emotions makes them less overwhelming and gives you the clarity to decide your next step. One reason many of us struggle with naming emotions is because we’ve never been taught how. Instead of saying, “I feel disappointed,” we might default to more generalized statements like, “I’m upset” or “I’m fine.” But vague descriptions keep us stuck in the loop.
An emotions wheel can help us identify and label our emotions better.
2. Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts
Have you ever thought of the worst? For instance, you text a friend, and they don’t reply for hours. Immediately, your mind starts spinning: “They’re ignoring me. They don’t care.”
Stop and ask: What’s the evidence for this thought? What’s another possible explanation? Maybe they’re stuck in a meeting or forgot their phone at home. By challenging these cognitive distortions, you can shift from emotional chaos to rational calmness.
Challenging distorted thoughts rewires your brain to approach situations with logic rather than fear. Over time, this practice can reduce anxiety and help you build emotional resilience.
So, the next time you find yourself spiralling, remember: It’s not about silencing your worries entirely—it’s about questioning their validity. Often, you’ll find that the reality is far less scary than the story you told yourself in your mind.
3. Practice Deep Breathing
You know that heart-pounding feeling of panic before a big presentation? That’s your body on adrenaline. Deep breathing can be your secret weapon here.
Try this: Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. Repeat. This slows your heart rate and signals to your brain that it’s okay to relax. It regulates your nervous system and reduces the anxiety stored in your body gradually. Picture a balloon deflating gently, that’s your tension releasing with each exhale when you practice deep breathing.
4. Use Behavioral Activation
When sadness hits, it’s tempting to curl up and do nothing. But ironically, the more you avoid life, the heavier your emotions feel. Here’s where behavioural activation comes in—a cognitive-behavioural technique that flips this pattern on its head. Instead of waiting to feel better before taking action, you take small purposeful steps first. These actions, even if they feel insignificant at that moment, can set off a ripple effect gradually improving your mood and pulling you out of the emotional quicksand.
For example, if loneliness has you down, call a friend, take a walk, or bake cookies. Each action creates a ripple effect, lifting your mood bit by bit.
5. Ride the Wave
The end goal of emotional regulation is not to eliminate them but to make space for them and observe them.
Emotions, especially intense ones like anger, sadness, or anxiety, often feel overwhelming—like a wave crashing over you. The instinct is to fight, suppress or act impulsively to make the thoughts or emotions disappear. But, instead of resisting, imagine you learnt how to “ride the wave”? How magical it is.
This CBT technique is all about accepting your emotions as it is and letting them pass naturally, much like a surfer riding a wave to shore rather than being swept under.
These cognitive behavioural techniques are useful in our daily lives and act as practical and tangible tips to regulate our emotions.
Emotional regulation isn’t about becoming a robot who is immune to feelings. It’s about equipping yourself with tools to navigate life’s emotional ups and downs. As the popular saying goes – ‘start with where you are and start with what you have’. Starting by naming your emotions or trying deep breathing during a stressful moment can help.
Remember, no one becomes an emotional ninja overnight. But with practice, you’ll find that these techniques don’t just make life easier—they make you more resilient, compassionate, and in control. And who doesn’t want that?