Relationships are a beautiful part of our life journey, whether it is those with family, romantic relationships, or friendships; such bonds bring us happiness, fulfilment, and support. However, at times, these same relationships may also present challenges or create difficulties like misunderstanding, miscommunications, eventual breakups, and loneliness. This in turn causes us to feel sad, stressed, fatigued, low on hope and more. These difficult times require mutual patience, empathy, and effective communication.
Considering the above, a first step in overcoming the issues is to recognize and accept that there is an issue between parties. “I and you are not the problem; the problem is the problem.” After recognizing the presence of an external hurdle instead of blaming one another, we must then try to explore and understand its source. So, we can work together towards it. Relationship issues arise due to many things such as having a negative thought patterns, miscommunications, having conflict on something, etc. In this piece, we will explore some relationship issues and psychotherapeutic techniques to navigate these issues with grace and understanding.
1. Identifying negative thought patterns
Having negative thoughts may lead to misunderstanding which in turn could have a detrimental impact on one’s life as well as the relationship shared with our partners, friends, and family members. Hence, it is very crucial to navigate our negative thought patterns. We can begin doing this by maintaining a thought journal and recording all thoughts and emotions. In this way, we will be able to identify any patterns or recurring themes. Thus, exploring and identifying the way we think is the first step towards healing post which, we can restructure these thoughts by seeking evidence for and against the thoughts and/or trying to find out any alternate explanations for it. By doing so, we can develop a more balanced and realistic perspective on our relationship issues.
2. Effective Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship but misunderstandings and miscommunication often affect connections greatly which results in resentment and distance between parties. In this case, the speaker-listener technique by Gottman Method could help to strengthen the relationship which focuses on active listening, empathy, and trading respectful dialogues.
According to this technique, both parties have to perform the roles of a speaker and a listener with few rules such as switching of roles wherein one partner will act as speaker and the other will act as a listener. It is important to set a time limit here to prevent lengthy monologues and provide equal opportunity to each partner. In the end, once the speaker finishes expressing his or her thoughts, feelings and/or concerns, the listener should summarize to ensure accurate understanding. This will also allow the speaker to clarify any misunderstandings or provide additional context.
So, what will be the role of the speaker and listener?
. Speaker’s Role will be:
- The speaker is the one who will share their thoughts, feelings, or concerns.
- The person who is the speaker will use “I” statements to express their own experiences and emotions. The person should focus on expressing themselves rather than criticizing or blaming their partner.
- It is important to be specific and avoid generalizations. Clearly state the issue or situation you want to discuss.
b. Listener’s Role:
- The listener is one who will actively listen without interrupting or becoming defensive.
- The person should refrain from offering immediate solutions or advice unless requested by the speaker.
- They should provide nonverbal cues, such as nodding and maintaining eye contact, to show they are engaged in the conversation.
- The listener should strive to understand the speaker’s perspective and validate their feelings.
This technique is very valuable in our arsenal and it may take practice and patience to fully incorporate into our lives but if worked upon, can prevent miscommunication and improve interpersonal dynamics between partners.
Managing Conflicts
Conflict is a natural occurrence in any relationship but leaving conflicts unresolved could also have a detrimental impact on our relationships. We can manage conflicts by practicing active listening, showing empathy, using the speaker-listener and time-out techniques. Time-out techniques essentially involve taking breaks from heated discussions and engaging in activities that help you relax and regain clarity. These could include things like taking a step back from immediate environments and finding a quiet place, where you could relax by yourself by taking deep breaths to collect your thoughts, process your emotions, and reflect on the situation objectively. Apart from this, you could also engage in reflective journaling – where you write down your thoughts, feelings and alternative ways you could have addressed the conflict. Physical exercise and activity like going for a walk is another area of focus that can help one cool down and reflect rather than acting impulsively.
Afterwards, when both parties have settled down, they mutually try to identify the problem & its source, brainstorm potential solutions and evaluate the pros and cons of each. Post this they mutually select and incorporate appropriate options to overcome the problem. Learning to manage conflicts is a skill that requires constant practice and patience which could help improve the overall quality of our relationships.
Other ways to strengthen the relationship
There are some other ways which we could use to strengthen our relationships such as;-
- Expressing appreciation and gratitude towards each other,
- Engaging in any activities that you both enjoy such as cooking, going for a walk, playing a sport, or doing some exercises together
- Trying to regulate your emotions via practicing relaxation techniques such as physical exercises, breathing exercises, taking a time out, or seeking support from friends or family
In conclusion, relationship issues are a common part of human life. As stated priorly, I and you are not the problem; the problem is the problem. So, with any kind of problem in a relationship, we should focus on the problems and not only the people. We should not engage in blaming our partner, instead, try to figure out possible solutions to it. Psychotherapy offers different types of techniques such as the ones mentioned in this piece. It is my hope that reading about these psychotherapeutic techniques can help individuals and couples address and work towards resolving their challenges with awareness, understanding, respect and grace.
For more assistance or guidance desired towards establishing healthier relations and/or overall mental health, please feel free to reach out to our team of skilled and compassionate individuals on the LetsGetHappi app by Veda Rehabilitation and Wellness Centre.
By-
Chandrakumar. H. Upadhyay
Counselling Psychologist
LetsGetHappi Mental Health App